Catherine Rampell cited, in an article for New
York Times.com, many interesting statistics and facts that showed
Americans preferred to have a boy child over a girl child. Yet her
last phrase is possibly the most revealing when it comes to the
subtle underlying drive to prefer a boy; fear.
“Or maybe some other risks
that come with having a daughter — such as unplanned pregnancies —
weigh heavier in Americans’ minds when thinking about this
question.”
The fear that a girl child
will come home with an unplanned, probably unwanted pregnancy is
something that the North American culture is utterly afraid of. This
fear is not a secret, in fact this fear is hidden in plain sight. Not
unlike subtle racism, the fear of having a girl child is embedded in
our culture through popular sayings, misconceptions, stereotypes,
media coverage and urban legends. There is fear for girls, of girls
and certainly a deep-rooted fear for having a girl child. The fear is
not with having a girl child herself, the fear is in the physical
abuse that girl child will probably encounter in her lifetime. Every
rape, every attack, every abduction, pimp and even every boyfriend
she may ever have plagues our society with the birth of every
daughter. It is this same fear that causes mothers and fathers and
non-parents alike to utter phrases like, “I'd rather have a boy;
you only have to worry about one prick on the block.” This
thinking implies that girl children are not safe outside the home
because the block they live on is probably filled with sexual
predators. The fear in that statement also implies that boy children
will inevitably grow up to be these same sexual predators that
parents of girl children are so afraid of.
This fear for girl children
comes from the absurd and archaic belief that men are beasts, animals
who simply cannot control themselves or their sexual urges. Which we
all know as untrue. The majority of men today are kind, loving and
respectful. Yet the popularly used phrase, “boy will be boys,”
describes and dismisses negative behaviour as seen in boys, and
reinforces this contemptible fear that they cannot control themselves
nor behave properly. This mindset also reinforces the idea that the
man's right to sexual release is more important and more valued than
the sexual health and well-being of women and girls. This fear also
perpetuates the thinking that women and girls have no sexuality, and
if they do women and girls should be and must remain controlled and
pure in their actions. Yet how can we as a society hold the dual and
opposing belief that men are uncontrollably sexual and women are
chaste beings with no sexual drive to speak of? This duality
reinforces rape culture because under that belief how could any woman
agree to or even want something like consensual sex, which, under
that same belief, is exclusively men's, not women's. This
unattainable and unsustainable fear-based duality is further confused
by the over-sexualization of
women and girls in the media. The media goes so far to imply that
women and girls are there for sexual reasons and that men should
think of them in a sexual way.
Wait, so let me get this
straight, we believe, as a society, however subtle, that men are
uncontrollable sexual predators with a right to have sex with women
but those same women should remain pure and chaste, even when we
parade them around half naked in public and on TV? Yes. That's
exactly what we believe. But no one will ever dare come right out and
say it. They're all more comfortable just wishing for the birth of a
boy.
The birth of a girl child
marked with this hidden, but real fear, leads to a continued
vulnerability throughout her life. According to dosomething.org
“someone in the US is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes.” It
also states that “1 out of every 6 women in America has been the
victim of an attempted or rape in her lifetime.” No wonder
expecting parents are afraid to have a girl! No parent would wish
such horrors on any child. The problem is, like subtle racism,
this fear is rarely acknowledged nor understood. How can we begin to
bring about a solution to this issue if we refuse to see it for the
danger it is? We have all done an amazing job keeping this fear
unnoticed. I believe it's because no one wants to admit being a part
of this subtle sexism. However, we continue to fight for women's
rights, both at home and abroad which means we recognize
that there is a problem, a threat to women, that needs to be
addressed and confronted. We also understand the need to continue to
move towards gender fairness, especially in these modern times. But
until we change the dual thinking that leads to fear of the birth of
a daughter, the safety of our girls and women will continue to remain
in jeopardy. We will only continue to fight symptoms of a much
greater and deeply hidden problem. The desire to have a boy child may
seem inconsequential but the reality of it's existence perpetuates
the myths of men's and women's sexuality and causes discreetly
distinct damage to the fight for equality between men and women.
So what can we do? Some
believe that the fight for equality and women's issues are for women
to deal with alone. Again, this dual thinking that women's issues
are for women alone proves irresponsible and detrimental to the
progress made by the women's movement. The right to safety is
something men and women have in common. Will we continue to
raise our boys with the context that they are doomed to become sexual
predators demanding sexual release from any or every women they
encounter? And raise our daughters with fear and worry that she will
be taken advantage of all the while doing nothing about the problem?
Or will we raise our children to become respectful, kind, loving,
fair people? Our fear of having daughters imperceptibly continues to
create a place in our society where sexual abuse and assault on women
is acceptable, even expected. If we ever have a hope to end the
violence against women it lies in the jokes we repeat, the myths we
indulge in, how we think, what we say and how we raise our children.
